Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Trans-Atlantic Learning Adventures in late May last year.
It is also the 9th anniversary
of the passing of her twin sister
We go in good spirits.
To celebrate Addie's life.
She too could have easily not made it.
The cemetery is about 2 hours from our house.
It is in the country on a dirt road.
It is a very old Finnish cemetery- for the Finnish settlers to America
There are flowers scattered everywhere.
Lilac bushes surround the yard, and are here and there through out.
Alyse's grave is under one of these lilac bushes
Years ago we put a birdhouse in the lilac bush.
Every spring we clean it out for a new birdie to take residence.
This year it was suspiciously packed full up with sticks and fluff.
When I pulled out the "nest" this little fellow fell out.
It was a cold day and he was non to happy to have his house disrupted!
We know that we have to celebrate the life
that was given to us-
Our little spit fire.
Happy Birthday my girl!!!!
So happy you are here with us.
She is celebrating the weekend
at her grandparent's
with her youngest brother.
Her party will be next weekend with her friends.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
::I stayed up far too late far too many nights in a row. My brain buzzing with thoughts, ideas, ponderings, possibilities, words, pictures, peoples, places, necessities vs luxuries, wants vs needs, starting new things, ending some unwanted old.....
So much on my mind.
::How to put my ideas into play. How to fit new things into my old life. How to keep my head level and my mind open..... A new project.
::Old things. Time to move on from some of the old things that have encompassed me. Some people who doubt, some who drag me down. Time to meet new. Friends. A web of people.
::I moved my craft corner back to the back room - it is dusty and unused. I found a new medium.
::Seeing something in one's head and being able to get others to see it - takes trust, hope, faith, an open mind, and a bit of daring on both people's part - mine and them.
::Boxed - how does one blend in and stand out at the same time. How can you not be the crazy mumbling lady on the street but yet not be a carbon copy, nodding, be what you want me to be, fake self? Interesting concept. Listening to my inner voice is what I am going to do... too bad my inner voice argues with itself.
::So much to share, yet I must zip my lip and sit on my hands for just a little bit longer.
::Know that my absence here on my blog means I am working hard behind the scenes in the real world on something. Something that I have found peace in. I will share as soon as I can.
pics from vi.sualize.us
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
I wake up
the afternoon sun is streaming into the window.
My thoughts are in that place between dream and reality.
The covers are heavy and warm. I have settled into a cocoon.
Moving too much work. Work to be done. Motivation lost.
Finding reason to stir is the most work I have accomplished all day. I am up. But not mentally.
It is the end of winter and I have a hard time with it.
I catch up - I do. Spring breezes float through the air and the work gets done plus.
For now, I will walk through my day and go through the motions necessary for my family for life.
Spring, I am longing for you.
pic by Jules
horefrost against grey skies this a.m.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
While making a quick call to my friend Debra @ Sojourner on the way home tonight I ended up speaking with her husband.
I mentioned there was no need to leave a message, I had called with a little / quick question. He, being the wise man he is, grabbed onto this seemingly insignificant line of wording and used it to say something quite intriguing, and true.
He said (and I paraphrase) : It is important to ask the little questions for you will find that often times they are connected to much bigger questions and thoughts.
Much like the thread you pull from a knit piece - that small thread may unravel much bigger things.
A brilliant notion I pondered for the rest of the night.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Scanning through my blog page this evening I realize there is very little content being presented lately.
It is February in Minnesota. There isn't much going on, including brain activity in my head. The brain starts to shut down this time of year. It is a chemical reaction - due to loss of Vitamin D and essential fats like Omega. This is due to the extreme lack of quality sunlight we receive here in the winter time.
I have been taking Vitamin D and an Omega supplement this year and it has really helped but I am finding myself slowly slipping.... into February-dom. Sigh....
Major decisions should not be made in the month of February around these parts. The brain is just not functioning well enough to make a good decisions. Long hair gets chopped followed by days of tears for such a stupid thing, rooms get painted horrible colors and relationships break up- oh the tricks the mind can play on one suffering from cabin fever.
Something to look forward to - that is what we need around here. Sitters that don't run us $30 a night, activities that include more then a $9 a piece movie ticket, food that doesn't all taste the same but runs you $45 for two... Yeah - something has to give before it is my sanity.
This time of year the morning bus stop is no longer pitch black and people leaving work can see the sun setting. The body yearns to get out, but the skin protests when it finds the temperatures hover just above zero.
I am finding out also - that according to the hierarchy of needs, I am both blessed and pressed with the fact that I might actually be on the self actualization step. A hard step to be on. Learning and improving on oneself is a tough task.
What I have learned - I am not who I used to be. How could I be? However the people in my life who have known me for my life still think I am me - the old me. If anything goes against the perception of me they have in their heads it is uncomfortable to them. I have put on the face of the person people wanted me to be - become a chameleon, becoming who they thought I was to make them happy. I can't do that anymore. I am me - but changing... accept me for who I am becoming. If people do not change and adapt they will become extinct. I am tired of dying inside, becoming extinct to myself. There is opposition for sure.
Part of this has to do with the kids getting older. I have a chance to look up from the tasks that daunted me for so long. My health issues have not plagued my existence and dominated my actions. I have a chance to breathe.
When I feel like I am being "lazy" in a day... I stop and tell myself I have earned such a luxury of time after the decade of running my ass of, not sitting down, nor sleeping. Yet I still am riddled with guilt for not being constantly on my toes and in constant motion. I need to check that, it doesn't serve anyone.
I also ask those around me to back off. Please understand that I have shut down a bit and pulled into myself, somewhere I have not been able to go for a decade. I have been doing for others and doing what others wanted. Being who people wanted me to be and who my children needed me to be.
I need time. Give me that. Also - stop thinking you know who I am because you used to know who I was. Let me grow and change. If I can not be myself, try out different faces then how can I be happy. Just because you painted a room mustard with olive green accents in the 70's doesn't mean you want to live with that today. Sometimes things just have to change.
My youngest goes to school next year. The change is going to happen whether I want it to or not. I just want to be prepared. Ever hear about the lady that never complained about anything but one day just left? Left it all? I bet she was fighting inner demons for far too long. Someone doesn't JUST snap. I am going to maintain myself like a good car owner maintains their vehicle... I am going to prevent the breakdown before it happens.
So, please - step back, let me be for a bit... be flexible in your view of me. Don't push and we will see what comes. A butterfly in the cocoon state possibly? Waiting for the beauty that comes with emerging from the chrysalis. Waiting for my wings. There are good things to come from me - I can feel it.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
To the Taco Bell Guy - what I said was "hi, yea, I would like....." after he said "hi, how you doing? what would you like today?"
WIMTS - was THANK YOU for not asking me would I like to try a zesty burrito or some other food suggestion that only serves to annoy me. I am getting out of my car right here in the drive thru and giving you a standing ovation!"
To my cat - what I said was - "It is ok, you will adapt" after he got pissy with me for rearranging the entire basement last night.
WIMTS - "You be careful you tiny beast I feed and water you and scoop your pooo out of the litter box, I can make your life very very miserable old man/cat."
To the cashier - what I said was- "ok". When she told me my total was $89.34
WIMTS - "What? what? are you kidding me? you adding your own things on here or what? Seriously, I stopped in for a few groceries that we have run out of - yogurt, eggs, soup, and a few other small things. How do groceries add up that fast? We can't eat... any.more."
Go see what other people bit their tongue about
This afternoon's Collaborative Photo Project word is : Flight
see you then
Monday, February 15, 2010
Our first sport show is the coming weekend. Grand Forks ND, the Alerus Center is where for two full days we will stand on a cement floor pedaling our wares.
(it seems like we just) took out last Fall.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
We shouldn't pretend otherwise."
discussing Philliippians 3:7-16
I need to be o.k. with the fact that I may not feel close to God. I need to be certain that God knows me and feels close to me. I should relax, and then the feeling of longing for God will come back. It is when I push that I can't see, or I will start to feel like something is wrong with me.
It has been awhile since we made it to a church service - we have been making it in time to get the kids to Sunday school only. However, today we made it. We filled up one row our large family. The kids were figgidy and I didn't notice - the message caught my attention today. I am thankful for what I heard. Everything for a reason right?
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Got this in an email. I am busy giving an SAT test and trying to sit quietly for three hours (a hard task for me for sure!!!!)
USING ONLY ONE WORD
Not as easy as you might think!
It's really hard to only use one word answers...
Where is your cell phone? vibrate
Significant other ? Dearest
Your hair? Curled
Your mother? Conservative
Your father? Outspoke
Your favorite thing? Sleep
Your dream last night? Nonexistant
Your favorite drink? Coffee
What room are you in? 1111
Your hobby? Blogging
Your fear? Accident
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Sane
Where were you last night? Computer
Something that you aren't? Boxed
Wish list item? Travel
Last thing you did? Hug
What are you wearing? Pink
Your pets? Shedding
Your life? Caotic
Your mood? Content
Missing someone? Yes
Your car? Filthy
Something you're not wearing? HEHEHE ;) j/k.... earrings
Your favorite store? Used
Your favorite color? White
When is the last time you cried? Awhile
Who will resend this? Whatever
Where do you go to over and over? Laundry
My favorite place to eat? Seafood
Favorite place I'd like to be at right now? Warm
Take it if you want - use it if you need a post. Have a great weekend.
Off to work at a bridal expo with my friend. I will try not to laugh at the over zelous hope of the young brides - so prepared for one day, but completely unprepared for a lifetime commitment - a new lifestyle.... ahhh to be in such a place. Later!
Friday, February 12, 2010
He has been around since before our children. I learned early on that he wouldn't hurt the babies even though he insisted on sleeping right next to them. However, all along he has had a short temper. A mean streak if you will. He usually tends to hide in the basement when things irritate him and this is fabulous. But, every once in awhile - if you pet him wrong or he can't handle it anymore he bites.
But before he bites he always licks. If you have ever been licked by a cat it is a weird sensation. They have a very bumpy, rough tongue. It almost feels good. While you are trying to decide whether to let him lick you or to push him away you are interrupted in this thought (milliseconds have passed here) he bites you. Hard enough to know he is mad but not so hard that he makes you bleed. Just enough to leave you cautious. It took me a few times to realize what was happening and that this was his m.o. But now I see it coming and I try to push him downstairs or change his thought process before he gets to that point. Now however he is onto me. He lays in wait and attacks me when I least expect it. He attacks my shins or ankles or tries to trip me down the stairs to my death.
Now where am I going with this? like you care about my cat? However it is a comparison.
There are people in the world that act the same as my cat. They lick you before they bite. Now, not literally... it is not like they walk up to you and start licking on your cheek or arm and then actually chomp their teeth down on you. No. Instead they act so nice to you, even butter you up a bit. But, when something doesn't go their way (or for no reason at all) all of a sudden they "bite" you. Like the cat a person learns quickly the tell tail signs of these people and are soon able to see the bite coming, until you are surprise attacked and thrown down the stairs to an immanent death....
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
When Chief told me that I screwed up my link for last week for WIMTS what I said was ... oh crud, I really liked this post and wanted people to read it. I will have to link it next week.
What I Meant To Say was
GoshFrigginDamnIt! I finally have a funny story , even though I didn't write it (my best friend did) and I screw up my link ... SERIOUSLY???? Figures.
So..... since I F'd up, and a lot of you missed my fabulous guest post for WIMTS last week - couldya wouldya head over HERE and read it? Thanks *kiss kiss
I guess I screwed up my link last week (in Chief's Mr. Linky)
Then go hit up Chief and see who else played along :)
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
As I continued to survey the men in the water park something struck me funny. They all kind of looked alike......Some were blond, and some had dark hair some were tall and some weren't but what they had in common was that they all...
Maybe I should back up.
Several years ago I was at a water park. It was our family and two other families (friends from my hubby's hometown/school) I was cold, wet, and frustrated.
This park had a section designed for a the wee-est ones with water jets shooting out of the floor and an itty bitty slide. I was there with our three littlest ones. The side that my hubby and oldest were at was exactly kitty corner, across, far far across from where I was. He was there chatting and swimming with his high school friends that we vacation with once a winter.
I was cold because of the stupid water jets that were getting me wet but not keeping me warm. I was frustrated because I was alone. Slowly the idea of a social, fun weekend was slipping from my mind as I realized it was going to be me and the littlest kids by myself again.
(BTW-things drastically improved after that year)
To keep myself entertained and in an effort not to become the "psycho" wife I started looking around at people - people watching is always entertaining. It started with this evil intent to find the cutest guy in the park and watch him - something to keep me, as I said, entertained. However, as I started to look around something became quite clear - all guys in my age range have started to look like "dads". You could tell who had been cuter than the other guy and who would have caught my eye back in the day- but, here they were chasing their little ones with their ponch of a belly and the sagging in their chest that comes from having to come straight home to dinner and to help with a new child. The kind of physique that comes from more nights on the couch then in the gym.
Side note: The same thing was happening in our relationship - we were more like teddy bears then barbies. But, hey! babies never cuddle barbies. Now the pendulum has swung. The wee ones are getting older and requiring less hands on attention and there is time for the gym again.
You younger girls take note... go for what you find on the inside of a man. Make sure you chose a man who is kind, caring, and considerate of you. Make sure he is someone you can stand to be around and not just to look at. A guy who shares the same values and will make a good dad and husband.
I am so glad I chose that type of man.
(it was a bonus that he came with brilliant blue eyes)
Because, on that day in the water park one thing became quite clear to me. When it comes down to it they all end up looking like dads.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
I chose Dearest. His eyes are what caught my eye in the first place. I feel blessed that our children also got the brilliant blue eyes.
Debra @ Sojourner decided on cat eyes. Such mystery lies within a cat's eyes.
Here are my past photos for this project:
Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
We learned about oompa loompas and lizard people here.
How hard it can be to put up with the women who work out here.
How idiotic her employees are here.
But today her post on the "Maniac" will be perfect for
Before you start reading - go to the bottom of this post and push Play on the YouTube video... a little background inspirational music - to get you in the mood.... ok, got it going?... now read!!!
So.... without further ado -
To the "Maniac": Here are the things I have really been meaning to say
(I have dubbed her this because she dresses like she stepped out of the Flashdance Movie)
When you complain at least once weekly about how you don't think my morning employee set the resistance dials on the machines correctly, and ask me to get down on my hands and knees to check ALL of them, and like always when they are set properly, with a smile I say "Oh 'Maniac' you're just getting stronger and all the machines are getting easier for you." What I Meant To Say Was "You are the biggest pain in the ass I have ever met and we both know that these machines were set correctly, and no matter how much you wish it even if they weren't it is not going to get you a discount or refund on the already dirt cheap membership dues you have already paid.
When you are breezing by me out the front doors and I smile and say "Have a great day!" What I Meant To Say Is "Why don't you turn your sorry ass around and march it back into the locker room and clean up the freaking pig sty mess we both know you just left. You are a grown ass woman and should know better than to leave used kleenex, spilled makeup and tipped over bottles on the counter. If you had taken two more steps you could have thrown your used towel in the laundry hamper instead of on the floor. And if I ever have to pick up your dirty underwear that you have left on the ground again I may have to hurt you."
When you use our complimentary fitness towels that are meant to wipe the sweat off your brow to instead wipe the sweat out of your butt crack or blow your nose into, when I look at you I say nothing - What I Meant To Say Is "Get the Hell out of here and DO NOT ever come back."
Maybe one day I'll snap and say all those things.
I just have to use these two pictures again: