Thursday, November 12, 2009

To:

To the lady in the waiting room of the clinic:
Your perfume stunk.
Not a little - but - I would rather smell a skunk stunk.
Why? Is your nose that coated that you can't even smell yourself anymore?

To the doctor:
Thank you.
Thank you for taking so much time to get to know me.
Yes, I am a medical oddity. Interesting isn't it.
Thank you for saying that the lump I spotted two weeks ago is 100% normal.
Thank you.

To all the patrons at Wal-Mart:
Get out of my way.
This is not a pleasure cruise for me to be there.
I am in a hurry, I only have a few minutes.
Get out of my way.
I ride my cart like a scooter;
it is fun
it is fast
it works (as long as you don't get like a deer in the headlights and panic)
Get out of my way.
I hate the store, I can't wait to get out of there.

To the lady at the stop light:
I can see you.
I can see as you sing.
I can see you pick your nose.
I saw you roll your eyes as you answered your phone.
I can see you;
your windshield is clear- see through.

To the whitetail deer in the woods this weekend:
Live in fear.
My husband and son are coming to kill you.
Hide, but not too well.
My freezer depends on you.
If you have more then 8 points you are theirs.

To the telemarketer:
I know that calling me is your job, I am on your list.
But, when you call, be on the phone at least.
Don't make me wait to hang up on you.

To the guy on the radio:
Shut up.
Quit talking.
I am tuned in to listen to the music,not what you did last night.
It doesn't make you more personal to me.
I just want the music.
So, shut up.

To the news media:
When did you sell out?
When did a celebrity become your lead story?
Do you have to hang on when you report such a slanted view for fear of falling off your chair?

To Google/Blogger:
I still like you.
People have tried to talk me into switching to WordPress.
I am dedicated.
I like your shit.
You are gods.

14 comments:

Southern Sage said...

Post pics of the slain deer!!!!
Glad the doc was ok!!!

FG Sakes said...

I remember hiking into the woods in the middle of the night...finding my place to sit...shivering as the ice storm coated me from head to toe...I remember at first light of dawn seeing the 10 point I had been tracking since Sept...I remember bringing my 270 to my shoulder...pulling the trigger and click..no boom..my gun was FROZEN with ice...my 10 point was gone...Good luck to hubby and son..I am sure they will have a more pleasant ending :-) I can taste the vension jerky from here

Coachdad said...

Your the best!

leah said...

to just jules,
you are not just jules to me
you are the one i like to read
the one that has a nice big family
and real thoughts
and a fun way of presenting
those real thoughts.
so, just jules,
i like it so much, some day i may write in this style.
and i will credit you of course.

Lorac said...

Boy , do I hear you on this. Good thoughts, have a great day!

MagnificentDebra said...

Oh my! I think Vegas just turned up the sassy on JustJules!

So glad to hear the checkup was good. Whew!

Love the hungry catepillar Google...I haven't thought about Eric Carle in a long while.

Lols said...

I've never commented on your blog, but must do it this time. I don't live in the US, but how funny and totally true this is - I hate stores, just want music and pls old lady, a little lighter handed with the perfume...
You rock!!!

Vodka Logic said...

Where you in my head when you wrote this...

The perfume esp. A girl I work with wears it like she never showers, yuck.

Will Burke said...

Cheers & Amen! Especially the WalMart part, If you want to go a liesurely dawdle, DON'T TAKE UP THE WHOLE DAMN AISLE!

kys said...

These were so good! Oh, how I hate Wal-Mart.

julochka said...

i'm with you on almost all of these but wal-mart. i would never set foot there. not anymore. haven't been in one since 2003. they're pure evil. and i recently read that they make you request your sick days 3 weeks in advance, or you're docked 8 hours pay. who knows they're going to be sick 3 weeks in advance?

and i totally love blogger. plus, google's controlling the weather, so you don't wanna cross them...

corabela said...

I had so much fun reading this, I had to read it out loud to my husband who actually stopped playing video games to listen. !!

I wish I'd thought of this first.

; )

TheEclecticElement said...

Haha! Those are great-You just made my day :)
From one hunter to another, I wish your husband and son good luck!!

spudballoo said...

Brilliant, LOL funny....! xx