To:

To the lady in the waiting room of the clinic:
Your perfume stunk.
Not a little - but - I would rather smell a skunk stunk.
Why? Is your nose that coated that you can't even smell yourself anymore?

To the doctor:
Thank you.
Thank you for taking so much time to get to know me.
Yes, I am a medical oddity. Interesting isn't it.
Thank you for saying that the lump I spotted two weeks ago is 100% normal.
Thank you.

To all the patrons at Wal-Mart:
Get out of my way.
This is not a pleasure cruise for me to be there.
I am in a hurry, I only have a few minutes.
Get out of my way.
I ride my cart like a scooter;
it is fun
it is fast
it works (as long as you don't get like a deer in the headlights and panic)
Get out of my way.
I hate the store, I can't wait to get out of there.

To the lady at the stop light:
I can see you.
I can see as you sing.
I can see you pick your nose.
I saw you roll your eyes as you answered your phone.
I can see you;
your windshield is clear- see through.

To the whitetail deer in the woods this weekend:
Live in fear.
My husband and son are coming to kill you.
Hide, but not too well.
My freezer depends on you.
If you have more then 8 points you are theirs.

To the telemarketer:
I know that calling me is your job, I am on your list.
But, when you call, be on the phone at least.
Don't make me wait to hang up on you.

To the guy on the radio:
Shut up.
Quit talking.
I am tuned in to listen to the music,not what you did last night.
It doesn't make you more personal to me.
I just want the music.
So, shut up.

To the news media:
When did you sell out?
When did a celebrity become your lead story?
Do you have to hang on when you report such a slanted view for fear of falling off your chair?

To Google/Blogger:
I still like you.
People have tried to talk me into switching to WordPress.
I am dedicated.
I like your shit.
You are gods.