Tuesday, January 26, 2010

OompaLoompas and Lizard People

I own/manage a woman's fitness spa and recently had the opportunity to attend a tanning expo. While I am not an avid tanner, I do sell tanning packages and products at our club and was interested in checking out the new products and possibly winning the grand door prize (a new tanning bed). This was my worst nightmare. I walked in all my Casper (the friendly ghost) like glory into a room of oompah loompahs,

lizard/human mutants and Malibu barbies.
The day started with the opening of the discontinued/overstock room. All sorts of fabulous lotions at shockingly low prices. All of these tanners, men and women alike, jostling each other trying to grab up what they can like a day after Thanksgiving sale. It felt like I had stepped into an awful Sci Fi movie.
The day then moved onto the actual expo part where the vendor booths were set up in one half of a large room which was divided into two rooms with a large curtain. In the other half was the lunch/speaker section of the room. Of course since it was a tanning expo they had free tanning available. It wasn't long before the stench of cooking flesh started filling the air - which was extremely appealing while I was attempting to eat my lunch (which was shared at a table of 2 oompah loompahs, 1 extremely bitchy Malibu barbie, 1 lizard/human mutant and a partridge in a pear tree. Actually no partridge just an older couple who may have wandered into the expo by mistake and were excited snapping up all the free samples they could.
The whole day was an assault to all the senses from the scary sight of the oompah loompahs, the smell of roasting flesh, being bumped and jostled by the lizard/human mutants,

the constant hum of the tanning beds running all day and finally the taste of the bronzing mist from the spray on facial tan I was talked into sampling. I felt slightly like Ross from friends. I stood there waiting for her to spray until I finally ran out of breathe. I opened my mouth to ask if she was going to spray when she pulled the trigger sending a wonderful bronzing mist into my mouth. YUM!

9 comments:

Will Burke said...

"Lizard People" is right! I occasionally see these some over-tanned person on the wrong end of a mid-life crisis, and they look like leather, and strut like they're on a cat walk! I can't even laugh, they're so sad.

MagnificentDebra said...

Hey Jules! Was this written by your friend Amy?

Just Jules said...

This was written by Amy. I was so rushed this morning, and having so much fun finding pics and links for this that I forgot to mention that!

Steven Anthony said...

hahahahahha I used to be one of them, I even had my own tanning bed in my house...thank God those days are over and I now happily embrace my casper self...lol

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I was going to say... I thought your friend Amy owned that?

Anyway... yuck with the spray tan in the mouth! bleh!

But I know what you mean... I half envy tan people who have it naturally... but...

I figured out long ago that it isn't for me...

My white skin is here to stay!

Meagan@Megs7827 said...

My Irish butt keeps trying to get tan and I thought mystic was the greatest invention ever until I realized I couldn't breathe. I had a mini panic attack once cause I couldn't breathe.

~Kenny said...

hmmmm I am half Italian and I live in Cali...dark skin...not really an issue. My Dad often gets mistaken for terrorist. Lizard women are the best though..some day I am going to get real drunk, cozy up to one and ask if I can make some boots out of her when she dies.

Kaotic said...

I love the way all of us connect our lives in some way or the other to FRIENDS. I for one,thought of the Ross episode as soon as I read the word tanning, so I loved the bronzing mist end.

I'm Indian, so really, no tanning required for me!!!:-)

MagnificentDebra said...

We watched Godzilla vs Magalon this Christmas...kept thinking...little boys would love this! Monsters fighting! What could be better! Ha! Let me know if you want me to send it on!