What I meant to say - you know you love it!

K - I am warning my mother and my friend Deb, just down the page there is a pic or two of the middle finger.... do not proceed if you are going to grumble about them. My blog, my pic choice. Look through your fingers if you have to - warned you....
Oh I am so excited to play again! It has been awhile!Let the fun begin!!!!

WIMTS ---->

To the d*ck head that scraped my black van with your red car door: What I said was (in front of my pre-schooler who is 5) "OH MANNNNN!!! look at this, someone put a ding in my door."
WIMTS- "You suck! Seriously suck, I am going to hunt you down and put huge black van door marks all over your red car. Further more did you have to push the door so hard it slid and put about a 1 inch mark instead of the standard ding with trace remnants of paint? Again, to be clear, YOU SUCK!!!!"

To the person who irked me via email Monday night: I said WIMTS here, in yesterday's post.
(what I did say was too long (via email) to post here, I won't bore you)

To my period: What I said was "ohhh, hello you again. Looks like it is you and me for the week."WIMTS- I am so over you. I could be fine if you would go away and not come back. My child bearing days are over. Thanks for the years of pain, bloating, irritability, discomfort, and fall out to others you have caused. You provided a nice warm safe environment for 5 babies.... but those days are done now - go away. (But don't leave in your place the horrid hormonal side effects that you tend to leave when you go away )

To my cat: When he tried to trip me down the stairs because his food bowl was empty (his means of getting my attention) What I said was, " ohh, are you hungry? did I forget to feed you?"pic by Jules

WIMTS -" If you kill me you idiot beast, there will be no one left to feed you. That water bowl that gets fresh water in it several times a day? gone.....it will dry up and no one else will notice. Your limp half dead body may be noticed by the rest of my body, but only after notice they are stepping over my body at the bottom of the stairs (or the smell gets to them first) So, don't kill me on these stairs cat, because it will be the death of you too!!"

What I wanted (meant) to friggin say - to the "stupid" mom at McD's

Ok - just so you know...
What I REALLY did say was nothing... not one word.


Story:
I took my youngest to (I really don't want to admit this but here it goes....) I took my youngest to McDonald's today (seriously, how gaggy I know!!! yuk, uck, gross, so unlike me) But, we were there, at McDonald's. In the playroom was my youngest and I, and two other moms. These two other moms had 3 children and a baby between them. The one boy was sitting at the table and eating while reminding the other children to "come take a biiiiittte". Fine - he was about 3 and cute as a bug's ear. However, the two moms were seated at another table away from the kids, not far away, but away. They were chatting (read:gossiping). They were loud, or the one mom was loud. She was going on and on and on about this that and gosh knows what (or cares).

Well, every once in awhile the mom would hollar up "....Ryyyyyaaannnn, come take a bite and then go back and play.... Ryaaaaannnnnn.... R.Y.A.N. Come take a bite, and not just of a french fry" this continued (change name per kid) over and over and over loudly, whiney-ly, annoyingly ... yeah. Every once in awhile she would throw in a "or else" and a "now" .
What I wanted (meant) to friggin say was - Your threats are empty and your kids know it. They are not now or ever going to listen to you, because they know your "or else" and "now" is full of crap.
Now this continued the whole time we were there. My (perfect, sweet, wonderful) son was sitting at the table eating his food before he could (1) have his toy (2) go play in the playland. He knows that we will pick up and leave if he doesn't listen to me - we have done it before and we will do it again - my threats are not empty people.

Next (I want to slap the crap out of you) moment was when this same mom (of the year) then starts in on how "stupid" the kindergarten screening was. How her son had to do this, that, and the other thing and it was so "stupid". She was telling her friend that she would not do it again - her friend should just skip it, cuz it was...... "stupid".

What I wanted (meant) to friggin say was: You "stupid" fool you. It is a Minnesota State Law - your child must have a Kindergarten screening before they will be allowed to enter kindergarten. OhHHHH and that tower that you said your son was suppose to make - that was so (you guessed it) "stupid" and the same tower you said you can't even make - my son made it when he did the screening when he was three. Now who looks "stupid"????? Dumb B*tch.

But instead I tried very very hard NOT to stare at them and be amazed by her ignorance, I bit my tongue (hard for me to do) and walked out.

pics from
Google image search

What I Meant to Say

It is that time again - What I Meant To Say


To the Taco Bell Guy - what I said was "hi, yea, I would like....." after he said "hi, how you doing? what would you like today?"

WIMTS - was THANK YOU for not asking me would I like to try a zesty burrito or some other food suggestion that only serves to annoy me. I am getting out of my car right here in the drive thru and giving you a standing ovation!"

To my cat - what I said was - "It is ok, you will adapt" after he got pissy with me for rearranging the entire basement last night.

WIMTS - "You be careful you tiny beast I feed and water you and scoop your pooo out of the litter box, I can make your life very very miserable old man/cat."

To the cashier - what I said was- "ok". When she told me my total was $89.34

WIMTS - "What? what? are you kidding me? you adding your own things on here or what? Seriously, I stopped in for a few groceries that we have run out of - yogurt, eggs, soup, and a few other small things. How do groceries add up that fast? We can't eat... any.more."




Go see what other people bit their tongue about






This afternoon's Collaborative Photo Project word is : Flight
see you then

I F'd Up

What I said -
When Chief told me that I screwed up my link for last week for WIMTS what I said was ... oh crud, I really liked this post and wanted people to read it. I will have to link it next week.

What I Meant To Say was
GoshFrigginDamnIt! I finally have a funny story , even though I didn't write it (my best friend did) and I screw up my link ... SERIOUSLY???? Figures.

So..... since I F'd up, and a lot of you missed my fabulous guest post for WIMTS last week - couldya wouldya head over HERE and read it? Thanks *kiss kiss
I guess I screwed up my link last week (in Chief's Mr. Linky)

Then go hit up Chief and see who else played along :)

What I Really Meant To Say - A Guest Rants

My friend Amy owns a gym. From time to time she needs a release -a place to rant. She has found her sounding board here. She has entertained us with the antics of her gym several times.
We learned about oompa loompas and lizard people here.
How hard it can be to put up with the women who work out here.
How idiotic her employees are here.

But today her post on the "Maniac" will be perfect for



Before you start reading - go to the bottom of this post and push Play on the YouTube video... a little background inspirational music - to get you in the mood.... ok, got it going?... now read!!!

So.... without further ado -

To the "Maniac": Here are the things I have really been meaning to say
(I have dubbed her this because she dresses like she stepped out of the Flashdance Movie)

When you complain at least once weekly about how you don't think my morning employee set the resistance dials on the machines correctly, and ask me to get down on my hands and knees to check ALL of them, and like always when they are set properly, with a smile I say "Oh 'Maniac' you're just getting stronger and all the machines are getting easier for you." What I Meant To Say Was "You are the biggest pain in the ass I have ever met and we both know that these machines were set correctly, and no matter how much you wish it even if they weren't it is not going to get you a discount or refund on the already dirt cheap membership dues you have already paid.

When you are breezing by me out the front doors and I smile and say "Have a great day!" What I Meant To Say Is "Why don't you turn your sorry ass around and march it back into the locker room and clean up the freaking pig sty mess we both know you just left. You are a grown ass woman and should know better than to leave used kleenex, spilled makeup and tipped over bottles on the counter. If you had taken two more steps you could have thrown your used towel in the laundry hamper instead of on the floor. And if I ever have to pick up your dirty underwear that you have left on the ground again I may have to hurt you."

When you use our complimentary fitness towels that are meant to wipe the sweat off your brow to instead wipe the sweat out of your butt crack or blow your nose into, when I look at you I say nothing - What I Meant To Say Is "Get the Hell out of here and DO NOT ever come back."

Maybe one day I'll snap and say all those things.




I just have to use these two pictures again:

Click pic for a more realistic take
(warning, they use the *f word)

What I Meant To Say

When I told my son to get to bed now.... please, it is time. And had to tell him again 10 and then 15 minutes later, after I came up from helping the other two get into bed....

WIMTS - Get your tiny little butt into bed before I physically pick it up and throw it there, and don't think I can't you little pip squeak.

When my husband woke me up this morning (an inservice day for him, a day off for the kids and I) to say good bye I said "mmm, mmmhmmm, *inaudible or muffled pillow sounds*, K mmm, K, mmmhmmm, bye"

What he thinks IMTS- Good bye my hard working man, thanks you so much for getting up and braving the cold to go to work and earn money so we can live a comfortable life. Oh and by the way ... you are looking mighty sexy today growwwwwl ;)

WI(really)MTS - WTH are you waking me up for on this grey cold morning, when I could easily sleep for another hour or more.... damn, why do you think I have trained the kids so well to take care of themselves in the morning. Oh, and you do look mighty good this morning *kiss

There ya have it. Go see the Queen of funny and sarcasm to see who else played along this week. The Collaborative Photo Project word for this afternoon is Cold... if you can't wait to see our takes - head over to Deb's place now.

Another round of - UltraBitch (aka What I Meant To Say)

To the lady at the flower shoppe - when I said I would love to come and work here next year when my youngest goes to school.

WIMTS - I REALLY want a job here cuz you guys are so cool and you bring your dogs to work and you listen to great music and everyone that works here is beautiful with great hair. you wear fabulous skirts and boots and I just really want to work here. plus you get to work with flowers! hello!

To my youngest son - when I told you not to say that.... "you are annoying me" to that lady, because it was rude

WIMTS- The is friggin funny, and I am trying really hard not to laugh at you because that would give you the wrong impression. Because you, as a 5 year old, really shouldn't talk that way - but you are right she REALLY was annoying!

To my body- When I said let's go snowshoeing

WIMTS- I am going to trick you back into shape by walking in the woods looking at pretty things and taking pictures - what you don't know is how damn hard it is to walk in snow with snowshoes on. That's right butt you are getting firmed up and don't even know it - ha! so there!

To anyone I have not returned a phone call or email to: I am fine, do not call the police or search dogs out. I am alive and well.

WIMTS- Checking emails and phone messages seems a bit daunting right now. I see your name there in my inbox... take a number and wait please. I will be with you as soon as the sun shines and my overwhelmed with life feeling goes away.

To my hubby- when I said I am not really sure where last years orders are for our business, but I will look

WIMTS - I don't know where the hell you threw them, find them your own damn self. But of course in your hunting for them you would make a huge mess so never bleeping mind I will do it myself! love you dear ;)

What I meant to say - round 2

When I said I am a bit more relaxed and happier when I am alone on my blog yesterday

w.i.m.t.s. was - If you would all just leave me the F*** alone sometimes mommy would be a much happier lady, meaning you would be mucho happier in the end too!

When I said to my older children - you need to sit with your younger brother at night on the bus to help keep him quiet (so he doesn't get kicked off....psssst... he is only in first grade)

w.i.t.s. was - Sit with him and gag him if you need to, DO NOT get drug into the loudness and fun that is this boy! Because you are now both being threatened by the bus driver.

and p.s. - to the bus driver - reallllllllly? isn't kicking kids off the bus reserved for things like having hurt others, and carrying knives?

When I told my son's reading teacher that it is difficult to deal with all four of my children in the evening - keeping them on task and sorting through all of their different needs and issues (usually on my own) Which is why I do not have time to work through his complaints about this specialized reading program......

w.i.m.t.s was - you just wait, wait until the day you have ANY children, much less four . You will then step off from your high horse, newly married, idealistic views- into my world of reality and abyss. (plus I KNOW you were judging me for saying I lost my patience with the whole thing.... oh you just wait!)

~:~:~:~:~:~:~

Thank you to everyone for stopping by and seeing what I really meant to say. Having new people around is always fun! I am not around too much during the day once I post my blog. I try hard to hit everyone of you, if I can. But, if I am not around - let yourself in, there is coffee in the thermos and banana bread on the counter... make yourself at home and have a look around.

w.i.m.t.s. I am a busy friggin mom of four who has several blogs, a household, a small business and my sanity to keep up. Plus I have to run my son's homework into the school because he left it on the table..... So if you wanna read what I wrote - have at it- if you get pissy that I didn't make a return visit to your site then you can kiss my............ (hehe this is fun)

Ok- back the real world (so I don't get myself in trouble by accidently saying what I really meant when I head into the school... can you imagine?)

What I meant to say

What I meant to say... oh this is going to be fun.
(you can find out the particulars by clicking on the $5 link above)

To the guy at the post office who couldn't find my "Delivery Confirmation" package
(which is obviously important, and there for the person paid for such a request....)
What I said was:
"That's o.k. it wasn't your fault it was lost. Call me when you find it."
What I meant to say was:
"Find my freakin' package buddy before I grab you by the collar and shake one out of you. NOW!!!!!"

vi.sualize.us

To the lady at Target whose till rebooted right after my cart FULL of stuff was rung up and I was swiping my overly abused debit card ...
What I said was:
"It's not your fault. Let's just do this together and get it over with" as she re-rung every item again.
What I meant to say was:
"I am going to be LATE to pick my son up from pre-school now and I am going to look like a neglectful parent who will get the stink eye from the teacher because your dang computer puttered out." To Target what I should say is "As much money as the world spends at your store (I alone pay the light bill, I swear) you cold buy new computers!!!! 30 YEARS OLD IS TOO OLD!!!


To my friend who is having issues with a couple of her friends.
I said was:
" You need to be above it all and just sit back and let it alone"
What I meant to say is:
" Those ladies are acting like 13 yr old BITCHES and you are better off without them - run girl run! I haven't cared much for either of them ever... However, I have always loved you. Run!!!!!"

vi.sualize.us

When my husband asked where his clean underwear were (since there weren't any in his drawer)
What I said was
" They are downstairs in the small wicker basket right in front of the dryer dear. Can you get them, or should I run down and grab them for you." even though he sat downstairs and watched me fold laundry as we watched tv together the night before and knew I was working on laundry
What I meant to say is:
"F*ck you *sshole, do your own d*mn laundry and you will know exactly where it is." (please note: hubby suggested this one ;)


Oh I best stop here for this week... but, Ahhh yes people, this is going to be fun.
Every Wednesday morning I will be playing along. You too can join the fun.

Due to this change: I will be delaying our Collaborative Photo Project until Wednesday afternoon/evening time.