Monday, May 3, 2010

It could really make a difference in someone's day

So, this is what I don't like. You are talking with a lady, a friend (sorta) and they say, "We should do that sometime" and you think YES... but you say, "that would be great, we should" and you smile and walk away thinking "....we should" But it just doesn't happen. Ever. How do you cross that line? How do you make it happen? How do you make a new friend?
Females are awful. Catty, mean, opportunistic, selfish, evil really. They can also be kind, caring, motherly, devoted, loyal and giving. We woman protect our own.

But, how do you get into that realm with a woman? How do you 'make nice' become a friend? Be the one they defend instead of the one they stab and spit at?

Making friends is not easy. It is not easy for adults and it is becoming quite obvious that it is not always easy once Kindergarten is over.

My girlie is having problems making friends. Her best friend moved to a school across town leaving her to fend on her own. She had friend trouble last year too but always had her b.friend to fall back on.

I have done all I can personally as far as getting involved. I have been in the classroom, I know the girl, I have observed on the playground. I have talked to my Girlie. What I have learned (and some of what I already knew) Third grade is a hard year for girls - they start to grow up. The pre-hormones kick in. They start to notice boys and vice versa. They learn there is power with words and with no words. They get bitchy.

After trying everything we knew my hubby had a moment of inspiration - instead of telling our girl to go make friends and to ask people to play (in which she countlessly gets turned down and hurt) he backed WAY up and decided to teach her the basics of socialization and friendship. Today's lesson - give someone a compliment, just one girl, one compliment. Say something nice to one person in your class and tell us what happened when you get home.

Guess what - she did it (after crying for 1/2 hr the night before at the mere thought of it). She told one of the nicer girls (let's call her Ann) in her class that she liked her shirt (I told my daughter a few of the girls to avoid - let's make this easy on her) and Ann asked Girlie to play at recess. WOW! It worked.

Tomorrow's lesson - two compliments, one to Ann again and one to another girl. Plus if I can sneak in a suggestion I will tell her to mention to Ann how much fun she had playing on the playground with her the day before.


This has got me to thinking. We all need to be nicer to other woman - my dear women friends. We protect and support our friends, but do we make it easy for other woman to get in, or do we leave them standing alone on life's playground sad and feeling lonely?

Today's lesson - Compliment someone today. Just one lady. It could really make a difference in someone's day.


Deb said...

Oh-ho! This tickled me! I remember those 3rd grade dramas... not so much fun! James giving your girlie social lessons cracked me up...He is so practical and so right...Glad she had success with it... To take your advice, my dear friends, please accept this compliment: I admire and appreciate that you are in touch with your children's feelings. How you care about their whole beings.

FAQ said...

Oh this is well written. We as woman do leave others out don't we. It's the girls club huh? I will compliment someone today! I will be a friend. I discovered your page through Deb!

Laura Doyle said...

Oh if only someone had thought to explain the basics of friendship to me as a young girl. If only, if only...

What a fantastic idea and how lucky your little girlie is to have such smart parents. : )

And yes...there is this one girl I've been meaning to get together with for a couple months. We're facebook friends but have never met.

Ann On and On... said...

I completely agree. It is such a hard age...heck it's always going to be a little hard. Knowing yourself and liking yourself is a great place to start. Sounds like she is on the right track!

Anonymous said...

Nicely written Jules. I agree, for the most part, that it's quite hard for women of all ages (young and old) to make friends for the reasons you gave.

I know that I grew the hell up though and actually enjoy meeting new women. I'm generally the one to try to make things happen past the "chit chat" stage.

However, I'm also the one who if you screw me over, even once, I'm done. I don't have time or patience to waste of people who don't give a crap about how their decisions affect others. There's only ONE person who has gotten away with actually hurting me and Ive forgiven AND forgotten. Just one. She's been my BFF since 1998.

I hope things get better for your Girlie and the girls in her class start to see how awesome she is :D

Homer and Queen said...

I thin you are funny and hot and you look good in that shirt. Will you be my friend?

Amy said...

This great little bit advice should go in every parents toolbox. I am planning on using it with my eldest who has had similar problems. Thanks!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

First I just wanted to say, I'm so sorry your little girl has to go through that. She's one gorgeous girl and unfortunately kids can't rtecognize jealousy and how to step past that.

I guess when I was young I was talked about and maybe some girls were mean to me...but I haven't come upon that in my older years.

I am naïve enough or don't care enough to realize that maybe they don't want to be my friend!? And if I feel they are offish to me in the beginning I make it a challenge to get them to warm up or like me :) I'm buggy like that.

I think a lot of the times we believe women are catty or snobbish but don't realize they are just shy or something similar.

As far as me excluding other people... Doesn't happen on purpose on my part. I want to get to know everyone, I'm to afraid I'll be alone to my own thoughts ,d that is just scary!!!

Oh! And compliments are a way good ice breaker! Congrats on that working!

Danielle said...

This is a really good post for thought. We do make it hard on others. Sometimes even in blog land.
You taught her and me a great lesson here. We all need to teach our young ones this so that in 10 years or so, it will be normal for them to stand up for other women!

By the way, Vegas could be our step towards letting a new friend in! :)

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

You're inspirey. And you have nice hair. And you take nice pictures.

Big Blue House said...

Great advice, to girlie and to women. I am older and it still is the same as it was in 3rd grade. I usually try to include ALL my friends in most things we do but then when I want to do something with just one of them, some of the others, one in particular, gets mad. I don't see her much anymore because life is too short to spend wondering if or when she will get mad again. It is hard to make friends so if girlie learns the art and secrets of being social, it will help her forever. Good going parents.