Friday, May 22, 2009

Ask and you shall receive

Here are the long awaited answers to Ask Jules.

If you are just joining the program - Jules' friend Amy threatened to hack into her site (which she has the capabilities of doing) and spill all of her secrets (which she has a few) if she didn't do a Ask Jules post. Link here for initial post

MagnificentDebra Jules, my question is: "How do I get rid of my fear of snakes?"

Since it is the bullsnake that you are afraid of (which is non-venomous and a beneficial to have around your house due to it's appetite for rodents) I am going to suggest education. Try this link. These snakes are constricters - not that you are a big lady, but still far too big for these snakes to constrict ;) plus they eat their food whole - again, not happening. Remind yourself that they can't hurt you. The initial reaction to one of these snakes is going to be of fear -every time (these snakes get big people!) but, then your mind has to take over your emotions.
Candy's daily Dandy ok Jules, How does one deal with a horrible ex-husband? We have children so I HAVE to deal with him to an extent, but he is a deviant and a liar and I wish he would dry up and blow away.

Now this is the question I have worried about answering... I do not have an ex that I have to deal with. However, I do know that when kids are in the mix - your behavior ALWAYS matters. So, I would say, always be very cordial and sweet -"kill him with kindness". Being a bitch will only give him proof of why you two aren't together. Plus being wonderful around your ex will not allow for your children to believe anything he may say negative about you. He will look evil if he is bad mouthing their mom when she is being kind. Events when you must cross paths show him a strong confident woman who is sure of herself. Smile and say kind words while tossing that blonde hair. Leave him dazed and confused by how fabulous you are.

Amy Is it wrong to have a bachelorette party after ten years of marriage - if you never had one in the first place - also is it pathetic to plan it yourself?

Hey Girls Just Wanna Have Fun I say go for it. I happen to know (since you are my friend ;) that you are having a reception for your anniversary too - since you two never had one at the time of your marriage. So, as a celebration of your 10 year anniversary and just because I want an excuse to go out - I say "go for it". However, you may not want to tell the general public your plans. Promote it as a Girl's Night Out, only letting invited guests know the reason for the event. As far as planning it yourself - unless you have a certain plan in mind I am sure that a friend or two could handle all plans needed.

math guy, dock guy How do we stop world hunger? (just curious.)

Well dearest,
(this is from my hubby for those who aren't in the know) I would say all we can do is feed one child at a time, let's start with the four we have at home, since they are "always starving".

Amy I have this job and my boss is always adding things to my to do list. I already have a million things on my list. I am having trouble getting anything done because as I start something, a customer will come in and need help or want something from me. I lose focus so quickly and then can't get back on track or get needed tasks accomplished - instead I do things like visit my friend's blog.

May I suggest you up your ADD meds? Seriously though...
From Highly Effective People (from the book, I am too lazy to look the link up right now) tells us to prioriti
ze our to do lists. List your top three priorities, only allowing yourself three subtopics (tasks) under each.
1) Clean House
a) Kitchen b) Bedroom c) Entry
2) Make Supper
a) Menu b) Shop c) Buy wine, forget to cook
This will help keep your list to a minimum. Once you have finished these tasks reprioritize and go again. As far as your friends blog - that is just motivation... definetly a necessity .

Seaside Girl Should I even bother packing shorts for my holiday next week given the unpredictability of the British weather?

I always need what I don't pack. One pair of jean shorts rolled up into the corner of a suitcase doesn't take much room and can be worn more then once. However, capris and a skirt (with a pair of funky tights as back up) may serve you better then shorts. They work better if it is hot or cool.

ok, so how do we stop that little voice in our head that's constantly nagging us about not getting around to doing all that we set out to do that day... it drives me nuts.
We can never do it all. I have a post it note in the kitchen cupboard that says - "When I start feeling guilty, that is when I know I am doing something for myself. " I find that I am a better, mom, wife, business woman, and housekeeper in general if I let some things slide sometimes. If I am a nervous wreck over all I am not getting done then I tend to get less done in the end.

At these times I ask myself - will it really matter if.....

Will it really matter if the socks don't get folded? No

Will it really matter if I don't get the permission slips signed and turned in? Yes

If that fails have a glass of wine and turn down the lamps and light a few candles (helps hides dust)-it all starts to look better

Jacquelyn When are you going to do a blog solely dedicated to making a marriage "successful"? (Or did I miss it?) I think it would be great for people to read.

I worry that I would sound preachy or superior. I have been married for 11.5 years and with dearest for almost 15 years. We very easily could have added to the divorce statistics. But, we have survived and thrived. Yet, there are people out there with far better advice I am sure. I have an idea. I will post what I have learned and ask others to contribute! Love it -thanks my dear cousin. (Get your advice ready - you fine married folks)

Phew! That's done - let me know how much I made you suffer so Amy won't make me do an Ask Jules again.


math guy, dock guy said...

Great Job Jules!

Delena said...

excellent post. I have been married 40 years and still don't know all the answers. I only know we have been there done that if you know what I mean. We got married when I was 17 and hubby 19, we were kids having kids. We survived!!!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

oh Jules, you are a very wise woman indeed.

Your advice rings true to my pure heart and I am grateful for your advice.

You are sooo right. And sooo wise.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Carey-Life in the Carpool Lane said...

Interesting questions and great answers! Love your answer to your husband's question...very cute.

Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Amy said...

Thanks Jules! I am very happy - you should do this again later on down the road.

Deb said...

Yes, this was fun. Have to say tho...your answer was way too rational for my irrational phobia. Did I ever tell you that I literally crawled on top of my beloved daughter when she was in the 4th grade, just because I saw a water snake in our yard? I've jumped to the back of the couch when a snake "surprised" me on the television set....The good news is that the bullsnake was last sighted in the flower bed in the cabin across the street. That's the direction I suggested he go,towards. I think he'll be happy there.

Mari Mansourian said...

thanks so much for taking the time to satisfy our curious minds...
i think you DO have the wisdom to pass on ...
thanks again :)
next time i have my glass of wine, and am hiding the dust under candle light i'll be thinking of you ;)

Sandra said...

Great job! I enjoyed this very much.

Kathy B! said...

This was some really well thought out advice! Nicely done :)

Although the fear of snakes thing *shudder* might require something more drastic. Like hypnosis. Or sedation. I'm just sayin'...

Seaside Girl said...

Thanks Jules! I love this feature - I think it should have a regular spot.