Thursday, September 24, 2009

Shut Your Mouth

Click pic for a more realistic take
(warning, they use the *f word)

Today I have a guest posting on my blog. A person who needed a little space to vent. If you have been to a gym or know people that go, you will find this funny.

If not, it is still a good read.

Vent away dear friend, vent away:

I manage a Woman's only fitness spa. This is the worst job in the world for someone like me. Now you would think that an all woman's gym would be very easy to keep clean - this would be a myth. We're talking makeup, hairspray, tissues, tampons, toilet paper - need I say more? Not only is the cleaning an issue but then we have the attitudes and the griping (yes much like I am doing at this very moment). Let me break this down into my list of pet peeves:

1. You are adult women - you know how to pick up after yourself. I can only imagine what your house must look like. Who leaves dirty tissues laying out on the counter - the garbage can is two steps away! Same with the towels - no one really wants to go behind you and pick up your dirty laundry - much like you don't like picking up your husbands stained tighty whiteys. We have a hamper in the locker room for a reason! Three extra steps, that's all - we even left the lid off for you. I know it can't be that you are to tired from your workout - doing random bicep curls while watching Ellen doesn't really count as a work out. I am here for your fitness needs not as your personal maid.

2. Quit your complaining. Yes I said it. Quit bitching about stupid things. I'm sorry that you fell off the treadmill when it stopped at the end of your workout. Really you are going to complain about the treadmill? No this can not be fixed. When you enter your program and start walking I would assume that the treadmill will stop when the program is over. Maybe if you would shut your dang mouth and quit complaining about your ____________ (fill in the blank -husband/coworker/big butt/diet) you would realize that your program is coming to an end and is about to stop - there is a reason that the treadmills slows and takes you through a cool down.

3. If you don't like someone else who works out here you should know that I don't care. I don't care if she slept with your boyfriend while you were broken up for one night. I don't care if she looks funny while using the elliptical. I don't care if she left the spoon in the water after she was done in the sauna - oh wait I do care about that because it wrecks my special sauna scoop. Don't complain and gossip to me, suck it up and leave the drama for your mama.

4. If you are not seeing results quick enough it is probably because you are eating donuts for breakfast along with your full fat mocha choca latte. Close your mouth as my good friend would say. It is not the equipment, it is the fact that you are not using it enough or you are to busy watching Ellen to concentrate on your workout.


Vodka Logic said...

I hope she feels better. A good bitch is always a good healer.

Alex @ I'm the Mom said...

WHOOHOO! That was awesome. Two thumbs up!!! lol.

Adan said...

OH snap!!!

Sandra said...


rxBambi said...

I can just imagine! Everyone thinks boys are messy, having teenage (ie: old enough to know better) girls I can tell you they are SLOBS! I know it's not the way I taught them, and the step-girls mom has a super clean house so it's not her either.

leah - moxiethrift on etsy said...

good stuff! and so true.

d smith kaich jones said...

A very close friend of mine owns a Pilates studio. I hear this kind of stuff from her also, and am so forwarding this to her.

:) Debi

math guy, dock guy said...

I predict one day you will make the mistake of not just thinking this (or share it in a blog) and actually let someone know how you really feel. :) *silently in my head* "Please God, let me be there when this happens."

Anonymous said...

Ha ha Math Guy - you know me so well. Pretty sure it's bound to happen one day.