Don't Hate Me, Please Don't Stop Following, Just Give Me A Chance To Explain....
I listen to country music.
[on cue Backlights fade, spotlight on - Crowd Gasps]
I know I know I know.
I like all sorts of music and often flip from one type to the next
Classical Top 40 Bluegrass Jazz Classic Rock and Instrumental even a little Metal if the mood strikes
But I always end up back at the Country station enjoying country songs. Now I have hinted at this before here and here and I gave it away here. But I have not out right stated... I like Country Music.
In my defense - I must say that most of the "new" country music is quite similar to Pop music of the past. In fact these days, more country songs are actually "cross over" songs then are not. Bon Jovi on the Country station and the Pop, Taylor Swift, and Keith Urban are playing on both sides of the station as well. Heck, if Kid Rock can go country then I can too!
So, take it or leave it. But, if we are going to go any further in this relationship - you need to know :)
But, hey a lot of country songs have very genuine lyrics, and I don't fear my kids hearing anything "too mature" for their young ears. In fact this is their favorite performance to date :
Of course there are those "standards" that I just can't help belting out (looking a fool) while driving down the road - much to my kid's dismay ;) Although considering that my oldest's favorite song is American Pie by Don McLean this too might be rubbing off.
As I continued to survey the men in the water park something struck me funny. They all kind of looked alike......Some were blond, and some had dark hair some were tall and some weren't but what they had in common was that they all...
Maybe I should back up. Several years ago I was at a water park. It was our family and two other families (friends from my hubby's hometown/school) I was cold, wet, and frustrated.
This park had a section designed for a the wee-est ones with water jets shooting out of the floor and an itty bitty slide. I was there with our three littlest ones. The side that my hubby and oldest were at was exactly kitty corner, across, far far across from where I was. He was there chatting and swimming with his high school friends that we vacation with once a winter.
I was cold because of the stupid water jets that were getting me wet but not keeping me warm. I was frustrated because I was alone. Slowly the idea of a social, fun weekend was slipping from my mind as I realized it was going to be me and the littlest kids by myself again. (BTW-things drastically improved after that year)
To keep myself entertained and in an effort not to become the "psycho" wife I started looking around at people - people watching is always entertaining. It started with this evil intent to find the cutest guy in the park and watch him - something to keep me, as I said, entertained. However, as I started to look around something became quite clear - all guys in my age range have started to look like "dads". You could tell who had been cuter than the other guy and who would have caught my eye back in the day- but, here they were chasing their little ones with their ponch of a belly and the sagging in their chest that comes from having to come straight home to dinner and to help with a new child. The kind of physique that comes from more nights on the couch then in the gym.
Side note: The same thing was happening in our relationship - we were more like teddy bears then barbies. But, hey! babies never cuddle barbies. Now the pendulum has swung. The wee ones are getting older and requiring less hands on attention and there is time for the gym again. You younger girls take note... go for what you find on the inside of a man. Make sure you chose a man who is kind, caring, and considerate of you. Make sure he is someone you can stand to be around and not just to look at. A guy who shares the same values and will make a good dad and husband. I am so glad I chose that type of man. (it was a bonus that he came with brilliant blue eyes)
Because, on that day in the water park one thing became quite clear to me. When it comes down to it they all end up looking like dads.
I have been trying to figure out how to share what a wonderful Valentine's Date/Surprise I had last night with my dearest.
How do I sound genuine, not braggish How do I explain the feelings, fun, and joy without making others gag?
Is it possible to explain the adventure I went on when most have never even heard of my town?
How can I explain that I started on my hunt at 4 pm and didn't find my dearest until 5:30 following my trail of clues (one of which you can see in the comment section of the last post). Or, how it ended with a cup of coffee and some great conversation at 10 pm....
I haven't found the right way to explain it all.
So......
I'm not going to. I am going to keep it mine. Close to my heart - in a little box that I can open and enjoy when I need a pick me upper.
I will share this. My yearly Valentine's gift. It is always the same thing that I have received for the last 13 or so years. It costs dearest nothing, but his time and one piece of paper.
Every year I receive "The Top 10 Reasons" it is the top ten reasons that my dearest loves me. They are different every year, but always personal - yet just as meaningful if not more than the year/s before.
So, to my dearest I just want to say Thank You for the adventure, fun and romance I Love You Too!
A conversation from the past: "Oh, and then he just threw the car seat into the van. Just left it there. Didn't even buckle it in. Can you believe him. Doesn't he care about me? I have to take the time to buckle in the car seat, and the kids were crying."
O.K. , so I have been in this situation. I do know when you are running late, do not know that the car seat is not buckled in, and have to take the time to do so - it can be annoying. However, what was left unsaid in this conversation and I found out through the rest of the conversation was: the car seat wasn't in the car in the first place because the day before (Sunday) the husband had taken the children (all of them) out (where now doesn't matter). He had gotten them out of the house so this mom could have some time. She napped.
I have always gotten along with "the guys" better then a large group of girls. I tend to do better one on one with women. I believe the reason is that when you get a large group of ladies together the bitching starts to fly. You probably already know that bitching/bitchiness is contagious. One starts and like ripples in the pond the rest get sucked in.
This is what I feel is happening to husbands/boyfriends. We as women look for reasons to be angry with them. We are trying to figure out how they have done us wrong. Very rarely do we look at our own actions.
I have always been an advocate for husbands with my friends, I just can't stand listening to their one sided arguments (which is probably why I only have a few friends left!) However, my understanding of husbands drastically changed after reading Shaunti Feldhahn's book For Women Only.(and yes, there is a For Men Only) I had to read it twice. The first time I didn't have the open mind I needed, because, surely it couldn't be MY fault. I wasn't doing anything wrong - it was the man, always is, right?
I know that women don't even realize how they are acting. I was watching John and Kate Plus 8 with my kids last night. It made me remember this topic - watch from (time) 0:10-0:15 and 1:15 to 1:25... You really don't have to watch the whole 9 minutes!
Dearest laughed sooooo hard at John's facial response. He can't stand to watch the show because at least once during the show Kate disrespects John.
Getting back to the point at hand. Ms. Feldhahn points out 6 key things we women misunderstand about men. I have these points ( that I copied from the book) front and center on my bulletin board. They are:
OUR SURFACE UNDERSTANDING "Men need respect" WHAT THAT MEANS IN PRACTICE Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected. (in other words men see respect as love and vise-versa. If you disrespect your man you are saying you don't love him)
OUR SURFACE UNDERSTANDING " Men are providers" WHAT THAT MEANS IN PRACTICE Despite their "in control" exterior, men often feel like impostors and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered
OUR SURFACE UNDERSTANDING "Men want more sex" WHAT THAT MEANS IN PRACTICE Your sexual desire for your husband profoundly affects his sense of well being and confidence in all ares of his life
OUR SURFACE UNDERSTANDING "Men are visual" WHAT THAT MEANS IN PRACTICE Even happily married men struggle with being pulled toward live and recollected images of other women
OUR SURFACE UNDERSTANDING "Men are unromantic clods" WHAT THAT MEANS IN PRACTICE Actually most men enjoy romance (sometimes in different ways) and want to be romantic - but hesitate because they doubt they can succeed.
OUR SURFACE UNDERSTANDING "Men care about appearance" WHAT THAT MEANS IN PRACTICE You don't need to be a size 3, but your man does need to see you make the effort to take care of yourself - and he will take on significant cost or inconvenience in order to support you. :~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~::~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~ These are just very short summaries of the main points discussed in the book. Don't judge the book by the summary. Grab it, drink a glass of wine, and open your mind. :~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
Alright comb your ruffled feathers down. Think about what I am saying, and just consider for once, that men are not always 100% to blame. Our guys live a harder life than we give them consideration for.
Even men like this book, it helps them realize why they are feeling the way they are feeling. See this blog post
Disclaimer - some men are just plain jerks and will continue acting the way they do no matter what we try. Sometimes you are just disrespecting yourself by sticking around. I mentioned this in a post before.
Last night I dug to the back of my closet. I was able to pull together a dress shirt I had bought for a New Year's Party we never got to go to, a pair of pants that would pass for dressy, and dusted off a jacket to keep from freezing to death. I even took the time to curl my hair and attempt more of a make up routine than a bit of lip gloss and mascara.The babysitter was scheduled and arrived on time. We were heading "out"! (Those of you with kids of your own will understand what a big deal dress clothes, make up, and a ticket to an event can be!)We were off to see the Bemidji "Volcolmotive"Show Choir Dinner Show/Fundraiser.
Bemidji, MN has an unbelievable chorale program. It is led by award winning director (and friend of ours) Chris Fettig. These kids travel around the Midwest competing (and winning) through out the winter and early Spring. Their dedication and talent is unbelievable! Did I mention that the music is live, performed by young men and women from the High School as well.
As we sat and watched this two hour long program I had to keep reminding myself that these were High School students, and this is an extra curricular activity for them. Also, even though you tend to hear about teens in trouble there are just as many High Schoolers out there doing amazing things. These show choir kids are a lead example of the good teens can do. Other than that, as always, I was left uttering only one word ....WOW....!
Off to Preschool with Wee One #4.... In the mean time check out this website. Fireproof Your Marriage It is a movie with a lot of bad acting and obviously low budget but it packs a powerful message for those that are married. It is especially good for those stuck in a rut... a blaming your spouse for everything rut. (I am sure we have all been there) I just saw the companion guide to the movie - The Love Dare at Walmart for under $11 - a good investment for your marriage.
Resolution #3 Spend more intentional time with my beloved. Amazing how we have time for everything else in the world except what matters. As mentioned in a former blog(happy anniversary) we have things working against us. (Mostly available/good babysitters, and the cost of going out). Now I say this like going out is the only option. It isn't and I know that - however, staying at home is very distract able (ok, so I am distract able) between the things not done and the couch being a little too comfy for one of us (zzzzzzz.....) it does not work well.
However, I believe we need to make time together "intentional" We need to make sure we don't miss our plans like we wouldn't miss a business meeting. Have a plan and go with it.
1)So, first comes date ideas - always a toughy.
2)Then, increasing my list of potential babysitters. All of our sitters are getting to the age of being too busy.
3)Then of course finding plans/ ideas that don't cost an arm and a leg since the sitter will need to be paid with those!
There in lies the challenges behind resolution #3. But this is probably the most important resolution on my list - I would say one that is WELL WORTH THE CHALLENGE!
picture by A. Nelson - Our Vow Renewal (after 10 years) Summer of '08
Wow. Hmmmm. Our oldest wee one looked at our wedding pictures and said - "That's you? Wow, you were a LOT younger!" I guess so. There is a big difference between 35 and 24..... However-
In summary no other time in my life has gone by as quickly as the last 11 years.
We have moved from North Dakota, back to Minnesota, out to SW Colorado, back to Minnesota. We have built a house and improved that house. (sorta) We have been through several vehicles. We have had 5 children, lost one. We have spent more time apart then together building a life together. We have both been working on all areas from the foundation to the finishing touches. But, like a house. You are never done. Paint chips, a tree hits the roof - there is always maintenance to stay on top of, and improvements that you want to make. Any couple who thinks their relationship is perfect is being fooled (or lazy).... there is always work to do.
I love my hubby and have from our first date. (Maybe from the first time I saw him walk around the corner with his bright blue eyes) The longer we are together the more I love him. We do, like most young couples, get lost from each others. So much! Kids, work, work, work, kids, other responsibilities, and lack of available babysitters (never mind h0w much it cost to do anything these days, plus pay for the sitter!!!!)
But, for tonight, we will go to the movie and enjoy a couple of kid free hours together.
(I have been married long enough to know my other half will fall asleep either during or right after the movie. I will love the movie, and it will bother him that it is "not realalistic". I will stay up late, he will crawl into bed as soon as the sitter is home.)
He is --linear--, I am well, what, ~~I am not~~! Yet it works. Funny~~ --
Home after the kids are asleep
As I continued to survey the men in the water park something struck me funny. They all kind of looked alike......Some were blond, and some had dark hair some were tall and some weren't but what they had in common was that they all...
I'm not going to. I am going to keep it mine. Close to my heart - in a little box that I can open and enjoy when I need a pick me upper.
dearest loves me. They are different every year, but always personal - yet just as meaningful if not more than the year/s before.
A conversation from the past:
ays gotten along with "the guys" better then a large group of girls. I tend to do better one on one with women. I believe the reason is that when you get a large group of ladies together the bitching starts to fly. You probably already know that bitching/bitchiness is contagious. One starts and like ripples in the pond the rest get sucked in.
We were off to see the Bemidji "Volcolmotive"Show Choir Dinner Show/Fundraiser.
