Friday, February 26, 2010

It is Sad / It is Happy.... It is a hard when it is both

I wrote this post for Addie's blog that she shares with Sabin over at
Trans-Atlantic Learning Adventures in late May last year.

Picture of Alyse and Addie
drawn from a picture taken in
the delivery room

Today is my girlie's 9th birthday
It is also the 9th anniversary
of the passing of her twin sister
Alyse Lyn

How she has grown!
Addie comparing hand prints
with Alyse's - taken in the hospital

At least once a year we head to the cemetery.
We go in good spirits.
To celebrate Addie's life.
She too could have easily not made it.

The cemetery is about 2 hours from our house.
It is in the country on a dirt road.
It is a very old Finnish cemetery- for the Finnish settlers to America

There are flowers scattered everywhere.
Lilac bushes surround the yard, and are here and there through out.
Alyse's grave is under one of these lilac bushes

Years ago we put a birdhouse in the lilac bush.
Every spring we clean it out for a new birdie to take residence.
This year it was suspiciously packed full up with sticks and fluff.
When I pulled out the "nest" this little fellow fell out.
It was a cold day and he was non to happy to have his house disrupted!

Although it is a sad occasion to think of a child's life lost
We know that we have to celebrate the life
that was given to us-

ADDIEGirlie Girl

Our little spit fire.

Happy Birthday my girl!!!!
So happy you are here with us.

She is celebrating the weekend
at her grandparent's
with her youngest brother.

Her party will be next weekend with her friends.


Unknown said...

This post made me smile, cry, laugh ... the power here is just amazing. You are a very strong and special person ... and Addie is just beautiful : )

Homer and Queen said...

She has your eyes. I hope she has your spirit too. xoxo love you.

Julia said... must be so bittersweet raising Addie. Every milestone she achieves is one Alyse will not. At least you all have an angel watching over you. x

Deb said...

Happy Birthday to Beautiful Addie. Congratulations to both you and your dearest for loving so generously and selflessly on this day. Sending Blessings.

MommyLovesStilettos said...

That is so bittersweet. Thank you for sharing that with us. Happy birthday to your beautiful girl! :)

Vodka Logic said...

What a beautiful post and thanks for sharing such intimate details. Addie is gorgeous and nothing better than being a spitfire.

Cyndy said...

Julie, thank you for sharing this poignant story. I am moved....

A good friend of ours is doing an amazing thing for friends of hers right now: she is being a surrogate mother for them. She is carrying their twin girls, something she did a couple of years ago with her own children, so there are special similarities. Except one thing. This time one of the girl's heart is failing and the prognosis is that when she is born she will die.

I asked my friend how this is for her. She first responded about her sadness for her friend, but glad the other twin is doing so well and that is their focus at this time. I looked in her in the eye, and asked again, but how are "you" doing. She took a breath and then said it was very hard. She knows that while she is carrying the child, it is OK, but once it leaves her, she will be gone. You could see the burden in her eyes.

I don't think I will ever know of such an amazing gift. This woman is giving life to a family while sharing in their grief at the same time. Although the babies are not genetically hers, they are hers right now, at this moment, and one child they will never know. But my friend will. She will remember the kicks, the movement, and I am sure the birth...

I hope you won't mind my sharing your concept of having a guardian angel with her. I think it gives it all a sense of purpose, something to believe in when all else doesn't make sense.

BNM said...

This was a beautiful post.

Unknown said...

She is so beautiful...just like her Mom.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

That was beautiful Jules. Death is hard, but life is to be celebrated.

Addie is gorgeous.

Love you.

beth said...

this was a beautiful tribute to both girls...
addie is just so amazingly gorgeous...those eyes !

beth said...

and this cake....swwon !

Big Blue House said...

I hope Addie had a good time on her birthday as we were the lucky ones to have share it with her. The day was spent goint for professional manicures, lunch and then shopping for her birthday present. I know I had a great time. However, when I think about the day of their birth, I still get tears in my eyes. It makes me want to celebrate Addie all the more. She is a very gracious, beautiful-inside and out-kind and gentle girl. We are VERY LUCKY she is here to celebrate! Love you my Addie girl.

Jen said...

first of all Happy Birthday to Addie, she is gorgeous just like her momma!

second, I am so terribly sorry for your loss, I don't know your story so I can't relate to what it appears. You are strong and your family is amazing and I no doubt believe your daughter is looking over you all as you pass though this life on your way to meeting her again. I am so sorry for the bittersweetness of this day but you wrote a beautiful tribute. xoxox